My Motivation

For several years, I've had the dream of becoming a United States Marine. For my entire life, I've had the dream of getting fit. 


I've had problems with yo-yo weight loss and weight gain since childhood. I have always been heavier than other people my age, for as far back as I can remember. Thoughts of losing weight plagued me throughout elementary school and followed me on into high school. When I got to college, I was a member of the Razorback Marching Band. Band put my activity level through the roof. I also decided at that point that I would make healthier eating decisions (smaller serving sizes, healthier foods, and no seconds). I lost a good deal of weight during my freshman year of college, but soon gained it back over the summer and my sophomore year.


I came home from college after only two years. I weighed a whopping 299 pounds, and decided that I had to do something fast. Having several thousand dollars in student loans and no real direction in life, I started toying with the idea of joining the military. Not only would it help me achieve my fitness goals, but it would help with my student loans, and give me a direction in life. I soon found out that to even get in to the military, you have to be in relatively good shape. 


The idea of joining the military was something completely new to me. I thought National Guard would be a good idea because it would give me military benefits without all the work and commitment. I talked to a National Guard recruiter who was less than helpful. He was lazy, not in the best of shape, and did not hold commitments. I didn't want to be like that. If I was going to have a military career, I wanted an honorable military career. I instead looked to Army and Army Reserves. After talking to a recruiter, I found out my weight and PT requirements, and decided that I wanted to join the Army as active duty.


I spent the next year working hard to lose weight. I joined an EMT class so that I would have a job. I was 20 years old at this time, and soon found out that I could not work full-time as an EMT at age 20 because of insurance and driving issues. I continued my education by joining a year long paramedic course. During paramedic school, I continued to work hard at my weight loss goals. I was 245 pounds when I began the paramedic program.  


While in school and looking into military options, I received a phone call from a guy I went to school with. He told me that he was a Marine Corps poolee, and spent almost an hour on the phone with me telling me about the differences between Army and Marine Corps. I spoke with a Marine Corps recruiter, who was willing to work with me and help me to meet my fitness goals. After our first work out, he was somewhat disappointed in me. I was fat, I couldn't run very well, and I was wondering what in the world I had gotten myself into. I started working full time as an EMT at a casino shortly after, and was no longer able to meet the recruiter on the day he had free to work with me. I started working more myself, but all in all, I didn't lose much more weight.


Toward the end of paramedic school, I met a girl who was in the Army's delayed entry program. We started working out together and soon became started dating. We attended delayed entry program functions together, although I was not yet in the program. Her recruiter worked a lot with us and we worked a lot with each other. This gave me hope and I decided that maybe the Army was for me. We ran daily, went to the gym often, and had a lot of physical activities in our relationship. I lost a bit more weight and was not far from my goal weight/body fat percentage to join the Army. I was down to 210 pounds. 


After I finished paramedic school, I took a little while off work to spend more time with my girlfriend before she shipped to BCT. We spent this time working out and getting in shape. After she shipped to BCT, I continued working on my weight loss goals, got down to 205 pounds, but decided that I wanted to put my paramedic degree to use in the civilian world before joining the Army. This was a big mistake. It was so, so hard for me to lose weight or even maintain my weight while working on an ambulance. My girlfriend and I had a messy break up, which lead to more weight gain. My military dreams were slipping away quickly. 


I watched as my ex girlfriend came home from BCT. I watched my cousin, who had started at the same weight as me, become a Marine. The more I learned about the Marine Corps, the more I wanted to join. I spent the next year dreaming of becoming a Marine, and instead becoming a fat couch potato. I entered into another relationship, which did nothing to help my weight loss. In fact, I began gaining even more weight! 


For a year, my girlfriend and I lived together and my weight ballooned out of control. I wanted to become a Marine, but just couldn't find the motivation. It played a big part in my relationship, as I was unhappy with my body image. 


Two weeks ago today, my girlfriend moved out of our shared apartment while I was at work. She sent me a text message telling me what she had done, and then told me that I had made her miserable, and that she couldn't be with me anymore. It broke my heart. I spent the first day or two crying and absolutely miserable. With my relationship out of the picture, I'm left again with no clear direction in life. Where do I go from here? The only way out is up...


I've decided to use this break up as motivation to finally meet my goals. I want to lose weight, I want a level of fitness I can be proud of, and I want to serve my country with an honorable military career. If I'm ever going to be happy with myself, I have to accomplish these goals. I am never going to be happy with myself unless I can prove to myself that I can get this accomplished. 


For the last two weeks, I've done a completely 180 degree turn around from where I was. My eating is different, my activity level is different, and my determination level is definitely different. I will accomplish my goals this time. Nothing will get in my way.